A Missy Pie Post…
I didn’t truly understand before the kind of mother you are.
Oh, I have always appreciated all that you have done for Clarey and me; all the sacrifices you have made to help us on our way to becoming the intelligent, strong, confident, beautiful and caring women we are today. You have been the unequivocal role model for these characteristics.
I have always known on a factual level the vast heartache you have endured in your life and watched how, with such grace and calm, you are able to use the difficulties to accomplish what needs to be done and in a way that puts Clare and me at the top and you at the bottom. I didn’t truly understand that you were setting yourself as our foundation or even what that means… until Elena.
As I sit here on this quiet, early, rainy, Mother’s Day morning, I am contemplating my first year as a mother and your thirty-fifth year as a mother. I actually went into labor one year ago today! What a glorious, hard, love-filled year! What a bright star we have been blessed with this year! How she has grown and flourished amidst all this love! It has been the most wonderful and the hardest year of my life. I have had tremendous support here at home and at work, yet with all that it has been a hard balance for me and I am still trying to figure it all out. It’s worth all the struggle, though, to get to love on that Snug every single day.
One thing is certain in my first year as a mother. Now I understand a little better what you did for us, Mama. I understand a little better the sacrifices. I understand a little better what it really means to have 2 little girls depending on you and suddenly you are left alone. I understand a little better what you did for us to have the best education and be the 4th generation to graduate from St. Cecilia. I understand a little better all your worries and of how precious we are to you because you know what it feels like to lose one of us. I understand a little better what losing Michael must have been like and I’m so sorry, Mama, that I just didn’t understand before. But I understand a little better now.
Here’s what I do not understand and have been in awe of my entire adult life, even more so now as a mother than I ever was before… I do not understand how you raised us on your own… how as a working mom with sometimes 2 and 3 jobs on the Dominican Campus, you still put us first and gave us the little time you had and made it feel like enough. I do not understand how you made time stop and tricked us into thinking you were there all the time. Because when we were home, you gave us your undivided attention. (Okay, you may have tuned us out a little because we are pretty loud but you were always there!) I can not fathom how you stayed so strong in front of us… how you never showed that you were worried about money which you WERE worried about because we didn’t ever have any. I do not understand how you did it all alone, Mama. I hope I never have to understand that. But I do understand why you steeled yourself and did it. Because of Clarey and me. I know the Mama in me will be able to do whatever I need to for my baby. That is what I have come to understand a lot better in this first year as a mama with you as a model.
I have known for a long time a little secret about you… You are an angel walking the face of the earth and I think most people you have met in your life would agree. Elena has that same spirit. She is a comfort to me in the same way that you are. I can’t explain it but I see in her this calm spirit that I have only seen in one other person and that is you. My restless spirit can not fathom that kind of calm but deeply respects it. I think that is the sweetness I see between you when you are together. It is the mingling of your kindred spirits.
If there is one thing I have learned from you, Mama, it is that God gives us what we need. I thank God for loaning you both out to me for a little bit. I will work for the rest of my life to be able to spend eternity with you both.
Happy Mother’s Day!
I love you, Mama!